What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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