i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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