I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
