Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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