God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
