If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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