there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
