She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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