forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
