You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
