You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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