my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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