Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I believe in your delicious
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
