the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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