her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
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One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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