no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
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