Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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