You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
