a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
