I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
