highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
