My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops high fived after they tackled you
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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