That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
