I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
