True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
