there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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