new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
