So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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