I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
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