if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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