i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
