So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
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Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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