you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
