Only a mothe r could love this liver
someone owes me an orgasm
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
