saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
