I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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