there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
