I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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