Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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