you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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