Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
