she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
