READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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