ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
