Your dad touched me again.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
