So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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