I CAN MOONWALK!
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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