Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
