I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
