no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Randomize
