idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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