Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
