This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
