And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
