Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
