If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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