So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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