My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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