You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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