You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
