I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
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