ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
