Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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