those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
