It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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