Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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