ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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